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Originally posted at: Rachel Zoe’s Black Purse

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Most grandmothers I know carry a quiet question: What is my actual role here?

You don’t want to overstep. You don’t want to second-guess your adult children. But you also don’t want to sit on the sidelines of the lives of the people you love most.

There’s an answer to that question, and it comes from an unlikely place: decades of research on what helps children survive hard things.

When scientists study children who have faced hardship – abuse, neglect, instability, loss – one factor separates those who struggle for decades from those who go on to live well more consistently than any other.

It isn’t income. It isn’t the school. It isn’t therapy, though that helps.

It’s the presence of at least one stable, caring adult who consistently showed up for them.

Often that adult is a parent. But often it isn’t. It’s a grandmother. A coach. A neighbor. An aunt. Someone who, by being reliably present and reliably safe, helped that child’s developing nervous system learn that the world could hold them.

Harvard University’s Center on the Developing Child has been tracking this for decades. Their research summary is stark: “The single most common factor for children who develop resilience is at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive parent, caregiver, or other adult.”

And it doesn’t have to be the parent. Which is where grandmothers come in.

Why This Matters More Than Ever

Here is the statistic that changed how I think about child safety: according to the American Society for the Positive Care of Children, about 90 percent of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone known and trusted by the child or their family.

The danger, in most cases, is not a stranger. It is someone already inside the circle of trust. Which means that the protective power of a grandparent is not about standing guard at the gate. It is about being a second trusted adult – someone outside the daily household, someone a child knows they can go to if something feels wrong.

A brand-new study out of the University of Toronto confirms something remarkable. Looking at more than 2,100 American Indian and Alaska Native adults, researchers found that those who recalled having a trusted, protective adult during childhood had substantially lower odds of depression, heart disease, and other chronic conditions later in life – even when they had experienced serious abuse. Safe relationships help children regulate stress, the researchers explain, leaving what one coauthor called “a lasting health imprint.”

In other words: a grandmother who makes a child feel safe may be shaping that child’s blood pressure, immune function, and mental health at age 50.

This is not sentimentality. This is medicine.

What “Being the Trusted Adult” Actually Means

It doesn’t mean being the fun one or spoiling them. It doesn’t mean inserting yourself into your adult child’s parenting. It means four things, consistently, over time:

Being Available

Not in a dramatic way. In a “you can call me” way. In a “I notice when something’s off” way. Availability is the foundation – because abuse and neglect thrive where no one is paying attention.

Believing Them

When a child tells you something hard, the first response should be belief, then calm curiosity. Not “Are you sure?” Not “That doesn’t sound like him.” Children learn very quickly who will believe them and who won’t. Be the one who does.

Being Non-Judgmental

A trusted adult is someone a child can tell the full truth to without being shamed for it.

Being Consistent

Showing up once a year at Thanksgiving is wonderful, but it is not what the research is measuring. Consistency over time – the same voice on the phone, the same face at the door – is what builds the neurological sense of safety that protects a child.

Here is what it can look like in a single moment. A nine-year-old comes over after school. Something is off – she is quieter than usual, won’t quite meet your eyes. The old impulse is to ask a lot of questions or to cheer her up. The trusted-adult move is smaller: you make her a snack, sit near her without talking, and say “I’m really glad you’re here. If anything is ever on your mind, I’m a good person to tell.” Then you let her stay quiet if she wants to. Two months later, when something comes up that she needs to tell someone, she will remember who said that.

One Important Caveat

None of this is about replacing parents or becoming suspicious of them. Most parents are doing their best. Most children are not being abused, and most hardships they face will be ordinary – a bully, a hard year, a grief.

But children with a trusted grandparent in the wings do better through ordinary hardships too. And on the rare occasions when something more serious happens, that grandparent may be the first adult the child tells.

The Closing Thought

One of the quiet gifts of this stage of life is that we finally have what young parents almost never have: time, patience, perspective, and the wisdom to know what really matters.

That is exactly what a child needs from an adult who isn’t their parent.

You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to live nearby. You just need to be reliably, consistently, safely there – and to mean it when you say a child can tell you anything.

Research says that’s enough to change a life. The children in your family already know it.

Another helpful article is How to Teach Grandchildren About Safe and Unsafe Secrets.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How often do you communicate with your grandchildren? Do they know you are a safe person they can trust? Have you ever detected anything going on with a grandchild?

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Lala Kent’s Black Fold Over Purse

Nia Sanchez’s Pink Smocked Maxi Dress

Michelle Saniei’s U Wire Top

Jasmine Goode’s Green Leather Dress

Season 3 Confessional Looks

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Originally posted at: The Valley Season 3 Episode 4 Fashion

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At various points in my life, I have apparently been a proud member of multiple demographic clubs, none of which I remember signing up for.

When Did We Become a Category?

Born in 1963, I was considered to be on the tail end of the WWII Baby Boom movement, aptly named the Boomer generation. This label came with a fairly strong identity package, complete with cultural references (moonshots and marches), music (the Rolling Stones and disco), and a reputation for changing the world somewhere between Woodstock and shoulder pads.

Then, after years of being a late-Boomer, someone decided I was actually a “Cusp” kid, not quite old enough to be fully Gen X but not really identifying with the sock hop generation. I was a hybrid – a little of this, a little of that. Like a human version of a blended smoothie.

And now, I find myself reassigned yet again, this time to something called Generation Jones. As Jonesers, we inherited the can-do outlook of our early Boomer parents but faced a different reality as we entered adulthood facing the economic struggles of the 1970s and 1980s. The name comes from the idea of “keeping up with the Joneses” and the term “jonesing” which means to yearn for something.

Generation Jones and the Art of Reinvention

Generation Jones is an interesting concept. The idea is that we grew up with one set of expectations and experiences and entered adulthood in a completely different reality. We may have been raised on rotary phones and record players, but we also learned to master email, smartphones, and whatever this current situation is with streaming passwords.

We are a classic mixing of analog and digital – highly practical but aspirational when it comes to change. In other words, we like nostalgia, but we’re not trapped by it. It is, in many ways, a flattering description.

But here is the problem. It’s still a label, and like all labels, it attempts to take millions of individual lives, personalities, ambitions, reinventions, heartbreaks, hard-earned wrinkles, and really good hair days, and tuck them neatly into a single, tidy definition.

It’s an ambitious effort, but is it accurate?

The Problem with Trying to Pigeonhole Women Over 60

By the time we reach our 60s, we have lived too many versions of ourselves to be summed up by a generational tag.

We have been daughters, partners, professionals, caregivers, adventurers, reinvention specialists, and occasional rebels. Some of us followed traditional paths. Some of us rewrote the script entirely. We have had first acts, second acts, and for many of us, we are deep into what might be the most interesting act yet.

And when you consider how demographics, geography, economics, religion, family, experience and culture deeply impact how uniquely our lives are shaped, a broad generational label fits like a pair of Earth shoes (if you know, you know.)

What These Labels Get Right and What They Miss

To be fair, generational labels are not entirely useless. They can offer context and help explain shared cultural touchpoints, economic realities, and the broader forces that shaped our early years.

They can even be a little fun when they spark recognition like the collective nod all the Generation Jones people experience when we hear the first chords of Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. Yes, we remember that song, and we get the reference, like what it felt like to cruise with our friends through the McDonald’s parking lot on Friday night, singing along to the car radio.

But strict generational labels miss everything that came after – the reinventions, the pivots, the choices we made that had nothing to do with the year we were born and everything to do with who we decided to become. And today, they surely miss the fact that many women over 60 are not winding down. They are ramping up with energy and enthusiasm for new chapters and big challenges.

Defining Ourselves, Finally

Perhaps the most liberating part of being in this stage of life is that we get to decide what fits and what does not.

If you like the idea of Generation Jones, embrace it. If you feel a connection to the Boomer identity, keep it. If all of it feels like a poor attempt at capturing something far more dynamic, you are free to ignore it entirely. Far from being a marketing segment or a neatly defined cohort, we are women with history, perspective, curiosity, style, and a growing sense that this chapter might be the most interesting one yet.

And if someone insists on putting a name to that, I have a suggestion. Call it The Brilliant Age. That’s the name I gave my blog, because I believe women in their sixth decade are brilliant, both in their wisdom and their ability to truly shine.

If you are looking for a little weekly inspiration to keep that momentum going, I invite you to join me for Spark 60. It is one minute, one idea, delivered each week to remind you that growth, style, curiosity, and possibility do not belong to any one generation.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How comfortable are you with labels? Do you think you fit any one label? Which one and why?

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One of the most popular forms of exercise is walking. It’s easy, convenient, and no equipment is required. Walking helps to improve cardiovascular health through improving the circulation in your body, improves your breathing, and can help to lower blood pressure and improve heart and brain health. It’s good mobility for your joints and muscles plus it is great for mental health.

To ensure the best safety for your body during your workout, be sure to wear supportive shoes, wear clothing and lighting that keeps you visible, especially in the dark, and perform a good full body warmup. For a good full body warmup, check out this video: 

If you are a regular walker and want to take your walking workouts up a notch, try these tips!

Ways to Increase Your Challenge

As humans, we are creatures of habit, it’s all too easy to fall into the pattern of taking the exact same route, pace, and length of walk each time. To get more out of your workout for your muscles, joints, and cardiovascular system, vary your route. Try a new path. This helps to keep your walking fun and interesting!

Check out the sights and sounds on your new path and add some hills or stairs for more challenges for your body. Vary your pace by adding some new up-tempo songs to your playlist. 

To continue to challenge your body, burn calories, build muscle and bone density, you need to vary your workouts, including your walking. Varying your path and adding hills or stairs is one way to do this. You could also add intervals to your walking.

To do this, start with walking at a regular pace for 5 minutes for a good warm up, then add 10-30 seconds of faster paced walking, hills, or body weight strengthening exercises, then resume walking at a regular pace for another 5 minutes and repeat.

You can add just a few intervals to start and progress the length of intervals as well as how many intervals you do as your body gets accustomed to the challenge. 

Adding strength training to your walking – as intervals, or in addition, to your walking workouts – will help build your endurance, stability and strength in your joints and muscles to prevent injury and keep you walking longer and farther.

Another way to challenge yourself with your workouts is to use a weighted vest. If you are walking the same amount, intensity, and pace each session, your body will get used to the challenge. You won’t see the benefits of building bone density, burning as many calories, or building strength in your muscles.

Weighted vests come in various weights and some are adjustable so you can add more weight as you progress. Weighted vests are better than hand or ankle weights because they keep the weight close to your center of gravity which puts less strain on your joints but gives a nice challenge for your body. 

Staying Motivated 

Staying motivated and keeping up with your walking is the best way to take your walking up a notch. I can’t count the number of people who reach out to me for fitness training who, when questioned about their current workout routine, say they walk regularly but once we dig deeper into their schedule, it’s more like “when it’s not raining or cold and when my schedule isn’t too busy.”

Keeping up with your walking routine can ensure your body continues to progress and see the benefits. 

To stay motivated with your walking, try to only allow yourself to listen to your favorite podcast or playlist of songs while you walk to make it something you look forward to and don’t want to miss.

Ask a friend or family member to join you for walks as an accountability buddy and enjoy chatting as you walk. You might just find you go farther with a buddy.

If you are part of a committee or group, try turning a meeting into a walking meeting. Another idea is to sign up for a race to give you motivation to improve your endurance and give you a goal. Or join a step challenge.

And don’t let the weather derail you from enjoying a walk, invest in some clothing to keep you warm and dry in all temperatures. You may even take in some new sights in different weather. Or try this 10-minute indoor walking routine: 

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you like to walk? How often do you do it? What do you think about increasing your walking challenge? In what ways is this possible for you?

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Your Favorite Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 15 Fashion Moments

It’s hard to believe the fifteenth season Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is coming to a close and the reunion is tonight! But as always, we’ve got some looks to carry us through these tough times of saying goodbye.

This season top treats include a turquoise necklace that you couldn’t get enough of (don’t worry, it’s been restocked), a pair of affordable Amazon sunglasses that can’t be passed up and a phone case that will change your going out game. If you don’t know what I mean, you’d better act fast before these perfect pieces go the way of season 15.

The Realest Housewife,

Big Blonde Hair

1 Dorit Kemsley’s Turquoise Necklace and Hoop Earrings 2 Dorit Kemsley’s Navy Blue and White Printed Duster in Italy 3 Kyle Richards’ Aviator Glasses 4 Kyle Richards’ Multicolor Pleated Maxi Dress in Italy 5 Kyle Richards’ Strapless Belted Zara Dress 6 Dorit Kemsley’s White Floral Embroidered Corset 7 Dorit Kemsley’s Brown Striped Sweater 8 Jennifer Tilly’s $40,000 Crystal Bear Bag 9 Rachel Zoe’s Lip Gloss 10 Dorit Kemsley’s Yellow Pilot Frame Sunglasses

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Originally posted at: Your Favorite Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 15 Fashion Moments

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