Does this ever happen to you?

There you are, going along with your day, minding your own business and it hits you. The whiny, super-annoying feeling that tells you that no matter what you did during your marriage, it just wasn’t good enough and you should have done better.

That emotion is called regret. And it’s destructive and annoying.

So, what can you do about it as a woman over 60 who is looking to move on with her life?

Here are some secrets you must know so you don’t get trapped in this emotion. They will help you move on with the rest of your life!

Regret Forces You to Stay in the Past

Your best years are ahead of you, and you don’t have time for dwelling on the past.

Moving on from your divorce hurt requires you to move forward. It requires you to take a long, hard look at yourself, the current obstacles you face, and what you can do to overcome them and get to where you want to be in life.

Focusing on that stuff is pretty inspiring. It puts the control back in your hands and propels you to keep going, learning to be grateful for what you have right now, in addition to looking forward to the future with excitement and confidence.

But regret doesn’t let you do those amazing things. Regret is like that nasty gum on your shoe, or that sticky substance that somebody unknowingly spilled, which got you stuck to the linoleum the moment you stepped in it.

That nasty stickiness is the thoughts you deal with. The ones that say:

“I wish I had known how my spouse was feeling before it was too late…”

“If only I could have convinced my ex to go to counseling…”

“I should have known what was going on behind my back…”

Those thoughts are regrets, and if you look long and hard at them, you will notice a pattern. They are all things that have occurred in the past.

Regret Forces You to Worry About Things You Cannot Control

It’s easier to sit and stew and worry about things you cannot change, believing that somehow thinking about them will actually make you feel better.

But it actually makes you feel worse because when you waste time and emotional energy on the “Coulda Woulda Shoulda” events of the past, you continue to be hard on yourself and judge yourself for things you cannot change.

Regret loves it when you continue to worry about things you cannot control. Because regret wants to keep you miserable, stuck in the past and unable to move on. Regret cannot function in an environment of positivity, action, forgiveness and mindfulness.

So the sooner you create that positive environment for yourself, the sooner regret will quit bothering you.

Escaping from the Prison of Regret

It’s easier than you think to escape regret!

The next time those regret thoughts hit you, do the following:

Pinpoint the Regret

Thoughts of regret are easy to spot. They usually start with the following:

• “I wish I would have done this…”
• “If I had only done this action, then this other action would not have happened…”

Nip that Regret Thought in the Bud

Regret is not helping you move forward, so put an end to those thoughts.

• “I wish I would have done this…”

Stop. Remove “would” from your vocabulary. The fact that you did not do something is just a fact. It is not a judgement, and it is unfair to judge yourself on something you did not do in the past because you cannot change the past.

• “If I had only done this action, then this other action would not have happened…”

Stop. You do not know if any certain action was guaranteed to happen. That goes back to not being able to change the past. The only thing you can control is what you think in the present and how you plan for the future.

Channel That Energy into Something You Can Control

Use your regret energy for things you can control, like where you are now, and what you want your future to look like. How are you going to kick regret in the butt?

• I will not waste my time worrying or thinking about what I did and did not do in the past. Whenever I am triggered with these thoughts, I will replace them with a simple action I can take now to make my present good and my future even better.
• When I start to think “Oh, I wish I would have done Action XYZ,” I will replace that thought with “Today, I am going to do ABC,” a positive and kind action that propels me forward, not dragging me back to the Prison of Regret.

It’s as easy as that! And the sooner you kick that regret to the curb, the easier it will be to get your confidence back, ready for this next amazing chapter of your life after 60.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What are the things that you regret about your marriage or relationship? What steps will you take to overcome that regret and move on? Please share your thought in the comments below.

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Photo: @charleygail

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Be honest: have you asked the question above to yourself or to a friend? If you have, please go back and read the words. It’s only you? What does that say about your worthiness to be well-nourished?

If you are someone who has cooked for a family or a spouse for many years and find yourself alone, it might seem like a welcome relief. It would be easy to come in from a long day and grab a bunch of chips and a little hummus and tell yourself you’re getting some protein, so what’s the big problem?

But there is a problem on many levels. There is an unconscious, or maybe conscious message here that your nutrition doesn’t matter. Once you start thinking this way, that attitude can filter into other aspects of your life. And this is at the very stage of your life when society can unwittingly diminish you because of your age.

Don’t do it to yourself. Change the script to something like this – “Cooking? Of course, I do! My health and my future depend on it!”

You might respond, “But I hate cooking!” Okay, I hear you. Cooking is not your favorite pastime. So, let’s clear up some of the obstacles that got you to this place of hating cooking.

Cooking for One: Overcoming Obstacles

You may feel cooking is too time consuming and you’re too tired when you get home. As a health coach, all the recipes I share with my followers can be prepared in 30 minutes or less. That’s usually less time that it would take you to order, stop at a restaurant and bring home a dish filled with less healthy ingredients than you could make at home in the same time.

You may say, “I hate my kitchen.” If you hate your kitchen, spruce it up. Toss all your ancient spices sitting in the back of the cabinet. Go to a kitchen store like Crate & Barrel or Sur la Table and browse around. Choose a couple of new items to play with in your kitchen.

Maybe you’re unsure about what’s healthy and what is not. I’m with you on this one. Every day there’s a new authority who tells you this is good or that is bad. My philosophy is simple. Fresh whole foods. No antibiotics or added hormones. Foods you like. Organic when you can. Enough but not too much. Three meals daily. My book Food Becomes You – Simple Steps for Lifelong Wellness gives you all the steps for making this happen easily.

Coping with Loneliness

You reply, “I’m lonely. Eating dinner by myself exaggerates the loneliness.”

Living alone isn’t always easy, especially when it is not by choice. But here’s where you can send yourself the message that you do matter. What you eat matters.

Each time you prepare yourself a healthy meal you will reinforce those thoughts. And because you live alone does not mean you always need to eat alone. I invite a friend to dinner at least once weekly, and I eat at someone’s home at least once weekly.

I’ve made a habit of cooking in the same way whether someone else joins me at the table or if I am by myself. The only difference is I make enough for me to have leftovers on the following night. There is a book called If the Buddha Came to Dinner that drives the point home that every meal, with an honored guest or by yourself, should be well prepared and nourishing.

Addressing Nutrition

Some women will say, “It will save me some calories.” Actually, skipping meals is a major cause of weight gain. It leads to unconscious grazing where the net result is more calorie consumption than you would have had you eaten a meal. When you eat low nutrient foods, your brain, in its wisdom, will send you looking for more food, hoping the next attempt will be something containing nutrients.

You need the nutrients. Youth holds all sorts of benefits that are hard to notice until they are gone. One of those benefits is managing to stay healthy almost without trying. Traditional Chinese medicine suggests we are born with a certain amount of chi, or energy, that we use up over time.

Once in our 50s or 60s it is essential to regularly replenish that chi or we will decline. It is not the age or the number we reach; it’s the lifestyle we are living that results in our state of wellness or decline. So that is more reason to cook that meal and find a way to enjoy doing it.

Whatever you do, nourish yourself. You are worth it!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you like to cook? If not, what would get you back in the kitchen? Will you spruce up the cabinets? Buy some new kitchen toys? Plan a social calendar? Try some new recipes? Please share in the comments.

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You don’t always know what will carry you through grief until you’re in it.

For me, it wasn’t advice or distractions or even time – at least not at first. It was writing. In the quiet moments, when the house felt too still and the weight of loss pressed in, I found myself reaching for a pen or my laptop. Not because I had anything profound to say, but because I needed somewhere for the pain to go.

Grief Doesn’t Follow Rules

Grief can be chaotic. It’s unpredictable and overwhelming. It messes with your mind, your nervous system, your body, and your life.

Even if you think you have your feelings under control, grief hits hard. I use a Feelings Wheel to help me acknowledge and name my feelings at any given moment. However, when dealing with grief it didn’t take me long to realize those feelings changed daily. Or sometimes hourly. It was hard to keep up with the feelings that came with grief.

Writing became a lifeline for understanding my feelings. Sometimes, it was also a way to walk away and let go for a while.

Why Writing Became My Safe Place

Writing gave me a private, judgment-free space where nothing was expected of me, and I didn’t need to fix anything. No one bothered me when I was in my bedroom writing. I didn’t even answer my phone.

I usually wrote in my journal but sometimes my fingers tapped out my thoughts on the laptop. Either way, I felt release. Once I had transferred everything from my mind to the paper or computer, I felt free of the burdens of the emotions and feelings that weighed me down. Even if only temporarily.

My body would calm down, my breathing slowed down, my mind got a reprieve from the heavy burdens of grief. Writing became my safe space.

Putting Pain into Words Helped Me Process It

I would often write about the emotions that I had identified from my Feelings Wheel. Initially, I felt abandonment, emptiness, and guilt. Writing about these emotions helped me make sense of them. Grief is a broad concept that needs to be broken down and reflected on.

Getting these emotions out of my head and onto paper gave me another reprieve from the grief.

Interestingly, I discovered by accident that writing about anything else but grief was also comforting. I guess it occupied my brain and gave me a reprieve from the complicated feelings of grief.

I wrote stories about my childhood and researched articles about a variety of topics. Just the process of writing seemed to put some distance between my feelings and my thoughts.

What I Actually Wrote (It Wasn’t Pretty or Perfect)

My thoughts weren’t perfect. It didn’t matter if I was on my laptop or writing with my pen. It was a mess. I can still see where tears landed on my journal pages.

I wrote messy thoughts about anger and confusion sometimes.

I wrote about my memories and how things would be different now. Honestly, I didn’t write about gratitude and feeling thankful for these memories because that wasn’t what I was genuinely feeling at the time.

I was too angry and confused to think about gratitude.

I had questions… mostly why? It didn’t feel fair.

How Writing Helped Me Begin to Heal

I’m not healed by any means. I still suffer from grief. But I don’t cry every day now. And I don’t need private time to “get myself together” every day now.

I don’t even use my Feelings Wheel every day anymore. My feelings have settled down. My nervous system has settled down. I can sleep most nights, and I can even smile again.

Writing has helped me move forward without grief controlling my life – without all the feelings that come with it. In a matter of weeks, I can look at the Feelings Wheel and see happy feelings for the first time in quite a while.

I know there is research about how writing helps grief, but I have now lived it personally and found it to have much more meaning.

If You’re Walking Through Grief Right Now

If you are walking through grief, I encourage you to try writing as a way to process your thoughts and feelings. See if it works for you like it worked for me.

Write about your feelings, your thoughts, your anger, your memories. Write your questions. And even the answers if you want to. Write all your theories. Get those crippling thoughts out of your head so you can move on with life.

You can even try some creative writing or research projects that distance your mind from grief.

Writing is not going to heal you or take away your grief completely. But writing helped me move past the crippling sadness, so I was able to see the light again.

Sometimes healing doesn’t come from having the right answers. Sometimes it comes from giving your heart a place to speak.

Writing became more than just a way to release my thoughts – it became a quiet companion in some of my hardest moments. It helped me sort through what felt impossible to understand and gave me a small sense of steadiness when everything else felt uncertain.

Healing didn’t happen all at once. But little by little, putting words on the page helped me move forward.

And maybe it can do the same for you.

Related Reading: Grief, Loss, and Loneliness After 60: How to Finally Heal.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you ever turned to writing during a difficult time? Or is this something you might be willing to try? I’d love to hear what has helped you through your hardest moments. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear today.

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Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about legacy – not the big, dramatic, “name on a building” kind, but the quiet kind. The kind that sneaks up on you in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon when you’re folding laundry and suddenly remember a joke your dad used to tell. The kind that shows up in the way you comfort your child, or the way you instinctively reach for kindness before anything else.

Losing my dad cracked something open in me. Not in a tragic way – in a clarifying way. Because when I think about him, I don’t think about accomplishments or possessions. I think about presence. I think about how he made me feel like I had the best, most supportive, most loving dad in the world. And I think about how he extended that same love to my daughter, giving her the gift of a papa who showed up with his whole heart.

He left me a legacy of laughter – stories, jokes, pranks, and the kind of humor that sticks to your ribs. He left me a legacy of steadiness. Of showing up. Of being the kind of person whose absence is felt because their presence was so deeply known.

But here’s the thing: legacy isn’t just about the people who have passed on. Some people leave your daily life because they move away, retire, or simply drift into a different season – and they leave legacies too. Mentors who shaped my career. Friends who shaped my heart. People whose influence still echoes even though they’re no longer in my everyday orbit.

And the more I think about it, the more I realize there are many kinds of legacies we carry and create:

1. The Legacy of Values

These are the things we pass down without even trying – morals, principles, faith, family traditions, the lessons we teach simply by living them. These are the legacies that show up in how we treat people, how we love, how we forgive, how we stand back up.

2. The Legacy of Story

Family history, journals, photo albums, digital archives – the breadcrumbs we leave behind so future generations know where they came from. These are the stories that keep us alive long after we’re gone.

3. The Legacy of Things

Heirlooms, jewelry, investments – the tangible pieces of a life. They matter, but they’re never the whole story. They’re the punctuation marks, not the paragraphs.

4. The Legacy of Community

Volunteering, donating, serving, showing up for others. The ways we make our corner of the world a little better than we found it.

5. The Legacy of Mentorship

Sharing what we know. Investing in others. Creating programs, offering guidance, opening doors. This is the legacy that multiplies – the one that keeps growing long after we’re done planting.

6. The Legacy of Intentional Living

This one might be my favorite. It’s the legacy of kindness. Of presence. Of choosing to live in a way that leaves people better than you found them.

It’s the legacy of time – the most precious thing we ever give.

And here’s something I’ve learned: The most indelible legacy is the way we live.

Not the things we leave behind, but the love we leave behind.

And if you’re a parent, there’s one more piece: letting your children know that when your time comes – hopefully many, many years from now – it’s okay for them to keep living. To keep laughing. To keep becoming. Tell them the kind of life you hope they’ll live, so your voice can echo in their hearts when they need it most.

As for Me?

When my day comes, I hope my daughter remembers me with a smile – not because I was perfect, but because I was present. I hope she stands strong in the never‑ending love and confidence I poured into her. I hope she feels me in her bones, cheering her on, reminding her that she is capable, worthy, and wildly loved.

That’s the legacy I want to leave. And the beautiful thing is… I’m living it right now.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What does legacy mean to you? How do you leave your legacy in your daily life?

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Since I turned 60, I have been constantly surprised at the amount of innovation, bravery, and inspiration I have seen in older women.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised… we are the generation that has changed the world, probably more than any other. No longer just the home makers, many of us have worked full time, at the same time as raising a family and running a home. We may have studied, climbed the career ladder, renovated property, as well as being a loving partner, family member, and friend.

Closing Chapters

So as a chapter is closing for me, I am looking for new stories to weave into my tapestry. What to do?

In my quest to find an answer, I thought it would be fun to explore a few possibilities for us wise, talented, and extremely able ladies. 🙂

Downsizing

Downsizing is often the most considered but can sometimes be the scariest. If you have lived in a home for a long time, perhaps raised your family there, saying goodbye can be tough.

But your memories are with you always, they are not left behind in four walls. You could make a ‘Moving Book’ where you put photos of your old house, write memories and anecdotes of special times and events there. I once knew a lady who took her door architrave as it was where she had marked her children growing!

And think of the benefits of living in a smaller place! Less cleaning, easier to maintain, more practical, less clutter, more economical to run. Perhaps there will be financial gains, or the opportunity to live closer to family and loved ones. 

Take your time… every journey begins with the first step.

Moving Abroad

While moving abroad after 60 may sound terrifying for some, every year thousands do it and absolutely love the newfound excitement, change and freedom they gain. A total change of lifestyle!

Obviously, this is something that needs a considerable amount of thought, mountains of research, and a great deal of planning. Get an ‘Adventure Book’ and begin by listing possible destinations, including pros and cons. For example, cost of living, property, healthcare, temperature/seasons, transportation, ease of access, shops, language, proximity to places you would enjoy, etc.

Try to be honest with yourself, living in a place permanently is not the same as holidaying in it. How will things be when you are older? Can you manage the heat/cold? How will it feel being far from family/friends?

But the appeal and benefits are definitely worth considering. Warmer climate, blue skies, laid-back lifestyle, cost of living, better healthcare, new opportunities, adventure are just some of the reasons people decide to up sticks and move abroad.

A New Business

Starting a new business after 60 has many advantages. You have decades of life experience and all the skills it teaches you… financial, organisational, practical, decision making – along with a huge range of life skills. You are also likely to know what you enjoy doing and, most importantly, what you don’t. Research shows that doing something you love is more likely to be successful than something you don’t.

There is also the added bonus that you are less likely to be financially responsible for others, allowing you more freedom with your decisions. The opportunities for business startups are huge: consultant, therapist, tutor, beautician, Youtuber, dog groomer – the list really is endless. Of course, always do your research first. 

Finding Love

Many solo over 60s enjoy life on their own, but others would prefer to have someone to share it with. If you are thinking of relationships, take a few steps so that you are proactive. You may bump into Mr. Right anywhere, but there is no harm in increasing your chances. 🙂

There are hundreds of ways to meet others, especially nowadays. You may prefer to join an online dating agency, become a member of local clubs where you can meet people with similar interests, or let your friends know you are thinking of starting a new relationship.

I know it can be a little scary putting yourself out there, but as long as you are careful, don’t take risks, and let someone know if you are going on a date with someone for the first time, there is no reason you can’t have just as much fun as when you were younger. 🙂

Dream Big!

The wonderful thing is that anything is possible. Truly it is! You can go to university, learn to fly a plane, become an extra in films, learn a language, travel the world, learn to dance, start a business, become a writer, start a blog, explore opportunities that could never have been possible when you were younger.

The only thing holding you back is your imagination… so dream big! There is no reason that someone else deserves it more than you. Picasso, Shakespeare, Pavarotti, Marco Polo, Neil Armstrong, Leonardo Da Vinci, Albert Einstein all had dreams. Their dreams were no more valid than yours.

So explore that wonderful, experienced and very clever brain of yours and ask it, What shall we do next? 🙂

Let’s Chat:

Have you changed the way you live? If you could change one thing, what would it be?

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